she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Randomize
