I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
