It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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