when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Randomize
