So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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