i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
