I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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