I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Having a random hookup so left but love u
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
people are starting to question the shark bite story
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
