question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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