he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
