i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
