I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize