The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
