Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
