i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
