So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Randomize
