Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Randomize
