How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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