i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
