You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
