so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
