I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Me too!
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
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My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
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