he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
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just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
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It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
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