I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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