I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
