they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize