come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
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