Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
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