I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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