My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
