doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
