the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
