so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
