I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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