When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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