Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
