No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
