he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
He shit in the fireplace
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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