My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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