Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
