I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
you made out with another girl for some wings
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
