I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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