I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
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i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
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oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize