well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Dignity is for republicans.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
