my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
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