why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
