3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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