apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
