I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
