We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
