sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
