and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
