All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
