Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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