Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
