My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
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