he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
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