So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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