what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
its not stalking. its research.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
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