Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
