My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
