I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
