You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
