I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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